Within and Without

Seems like everytime I type here there is nothing good to say.. Hopefully its always the good news before the bad..

Good news, I'm settling in ok..

Bad news... that was the only good news.... =) Seems to be so hard to find people to communicate with on a personal level, is that nature or nurture? Was it in built in me to always talk abt everything yet abt nothing, or nothing of substance? Are all my thoughts, actions and words guarded? To whom can I be truly open? Well other then God that is..

Over time, I think the pressure builds up and I flare up easily.. too easily I think at the slightest provocation or sometimes even randomly.. Things start to be a buggeration and then I just flare up.. Just finished one... Or is it the little things that irk me?

About people who hear but do not listen... They miss the crux of things. How to declare otherwise when you talk abt an issue for over 5-10 min.. and the person calls you back the next day to ask something abt it.. which was the main focus of the 5-10 min.. have you then wasted that time in your life? Or is it just one of the many things that irk me? Sigh...

Times change, people change... Does temperment change? or do people change not at all, only in that originally what you see as different is actually repressed??

Long Time no post..

I guess a lot has happened since my last post and I don't feel the time or the need to post and to blog. Maybe I only come here when I am happy/very unhappy/stressed...

Oh wait.. skip the stress part.. when stress don't have time to write things here... =)

Apr to September.. A lot has happened since I guess... completed 2 major projects.. first time organising a fun run cum competition for over 2000 runners...
However, at the end of it, the only thing I have to say is, its over... hmm... not really a sense of achievement.. mayb an anti-climax? or a sense of what I could have done better in..

The other being my foray into NDP 09... my first time being involved with something so large... The Pledge Moment, 8.22pm 9 Aug... "take the Singapore Pledge together 9 of August, at 8.22pm" this was our mantra for the last week. Leading pledge mobs is a totally new experience.. have to overcome shyness and have to be thick skin... Seeing how this pledge moment thing morphed from a tiny arrow into a major project.. seeing it all culminate at 8.22pm... even hearing it mentioned in the PM's National Day Rally...

Its a totally different sense of fulfillment, of ownership, of satisfaction and of pride... still amazed that so much could be done in such a short amount of time. Thanks to the team, Hans, Chan Ming and Matthew. Thanks for the opportunity to be involved in something meaningful and which results can be seen. Although there is a tendency to look back at what could have been improved.. Heh, after all that comments I'm leading up to something....

That would be the hardest people to please can be yourself, and sometimes your parents... Which is good depending on whether you take it negatively or postitively. In a positive context, it opens the door to self reflection and striving for excellence... In a negative sense, you are always feeling lost and always that you are not yet there.... seems like no matter how hard one tries.. both the above groups can always find something better... sigh..... will postive to negative turn??

On a lighter note... Just came back from Bali, can check out my dive album at http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/shawnkan
Some highlighted pics...

From Bali

From Bali

From Bali

From Bali

From Bali

From Bali

From Bali

Ok, I admit, I cropped some of them.. esp the pygmy seahorse =/...
Still, it was a good trip.. 1 hr foot reflexology, neck and shoulder massage.. 10 bucks... your room just outside has a swimming pool.. nice!!

Only sad thing was.. after 3 hrs and 5 dives done in 18 degree celsius waters... we only see a mola mola (sunfish) for about 10 seconds!!!!! and it was a glimpse while doing a safety stop!!! for non divers who don't know how cold 18 degrees is..... you know when you go ECP beach and sometimes you feel that the water at your feet sometimes turns cold? colder then the one on top? yeah.. that's about 26 degrees... go figure...

See... in all the good we can always find something bad.... oh nuts.. turning a bit negative here.. cheers.

Frustrations....

A lot of things on my mind lately..
some of work.. some of personal life...

At work:
Sigh can't talk much about work, several frustrations.. the old and the new.. hard to share it.. coz it can't be shared.. or.. you don't know who would understand... Quite dumb in fact.. when you can't even attempt to throw a chair properly.. haha.. it got stuck in the artificial ceiling... I suppose some of the criticism is fair.. some is not.. sometimes when you want to help.. u end up making things worse.... how bad is that man.....

Personal life:
I don't know where I'm heading and I don't know how to get there.... Now that sounds like a joke someone once said.. that I shan't repeat here... No targets for this year.. windsurfing and sailing probably..

haha instr asked me whether i wanted to start on my dive instructor course... Don't think I am ready.. is it just the certification? or is it the added responsibility and the fact that you are dealing with lives. Think those who have been through army understand it more.. lives are at stake in a way.. if things are not taught properly or correctly... Do I have anything against those who chiong towards getting an instructor rating? mayb a bit, a sense of envy/jealousy i guess? I want to be there but I don't know if i can commit the time or the energy... also want to gain the experience to be able to back it up.... So yes i want to do that, envious of those who rush into in, but fully aware of my own limitations and the desire to build up a firm depth and breadth knowledge first... Does that make me any happier? No i guess...

Think should take a break from coaching kayaking.. need to build up patience first... seem to have lost some of it, no longer patiently trying to impart knowledge, think become a bit more strict and letting a bit of temper show... bad bad.... should never go together. However, a 2 star certificate means you could take a level 1 coach in future, If one fails to show confidence and proficiency would it be right to award that piece of paper? Or would not awarding it kill enthusiasm for the sport? where's the balance? Where's the balance between focussing and spending time on the weaker students and neglecting the rest of the class, or ensuring that that rest of the class learns as much as possible? Should the bare minimum be taught? Or should they be taught to challenge their limits?

In our own very busy lives, it is hard to find time to socialize and to make friends.... to really have a meal and to talk cock with one another.... more often then not.. nowadays its talk shop instead.... Seems like this period, everyone is busy busy.. and also sick to some degree.. is it a trend?

Feeling down lately... Suppose need a time of refreshing and hmm some things should reconcile with myself.. like the instructor bit.... I think I'm very competitive and comparative.. quit comparing with others.....

Manado trip

Was a mixed year it was... haha the good the bad the ugly.
Lot of rants for this year...

Then again who wants to hear rants rite?
Time to look at the better times ahead...

side thought... 'I' makes better bitter.....

Just came back from Manado some time ago. Was a good break if a bit expensive. Haha would have been better if office stopped calling.. nice to feel wanted.. but i think the break was more important.
Wow, the amount of marine life there is astounding.. even though i don't know half of what I'm taking at times.. heh... Learn new things about dive computer and DCS too... The company was good as well..

Manado is in Indonesia btw, only silk air flies at present.. 3 hr plus flight.

Here's the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/shawnkan/

Here's some snaps from the trip...

From Manado Day 3

From Manado Day 4

Couple of pygmy seahorses. Quite small these.. about thumbnail or smaller size...

From Manado Day 3

Cuttlefish.. friendly, didn't run away. two of these, color changing..

From Manado Day 2

Shrimp, white.. haha good dive guide, who keep pointing out all these tiny things

From Manado Day 2

Pipefish, although I dunno what type, this guy was slightly transparent...

From Manado Day 2

Tiny coconut octopus i think, This poor guy was harassed.. think Eddy did about 60 shots of him, with dual strobes... He changed color and tried to hide in different places.. really poor thing..

From Manado Day 2

My erm.. inspirational pic i guess...=P

From Manado Day 4

Some spider err crab?? underwater..

Sigh till now my fish identification still sucks... Haha the dive boat and the resort staff were both fantastic...Over eaten i guess, too much good food and good service... Very attentive service.. Good rooms, spacious.. good setting, just seems not much to do during free time... But that's good too... so can sit around and talk cock... retain the human element...

Haha very relaxed diving, just need to dump your gear into baskets... they rig up, for you and they help to recover and re rig after each dive... Then at the end of the trip they wash for you and dry it before you fly... fabulous service. Very experienced dive guides. Good boat crew...

Haha there were scary moments, like one of the sites when the current was scary as hell and being the last person to find a rock to cling on before being swept out is not fun.....well actually it was a bit.. when you get your breathing back down....

So a bit of advertising for them.. its COCOTINOS RESORT and ODYSSEA DIVERS. Very friendly, very good. well worth the amount paid for.

Ok enough ranting and raving.. just wanna say that i want to go back there!!

On hold

Blog's on hold till after trip.. realise I got nothing to say, or no time to say it.... Does it matter anyway?

What time is it?

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace

-Ecclesistes 3:1-8

Stop trying to rush things ahead of their time...
Only He knows all the times, can we trust him enough to fully let all things be in His time.
There was this song:

In His time, In His time
He makes all things beautiful in His time
Lord please show me everyday as You're teaching me Your way
As You do just what You say, in Your time

In Your time, in Your time,
You make all thing beautiful in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voOmWjAVqv8
___________________________________________________________________
Humility was today's cell.. I seem to still be very proud and a tendency to look down at some... y can't i put myself in their shoes and change.
Change is gradual, and must be constant, no use having sudden change only to backslide.... But there must be a first step...

No post.. no update....

Not that i have nothing to post.. just that i've been too busy to post..
then again.. if i'm too busy then i have no life if i have no life therefore i have nothing to post....
hmm make sense?

nah.. i think i'm talking nonsense too...

sigh i thought it was over and can clear my off.. then suddenly..... a new rat race begins... gosh.. how fun.. when can i clear my off sia????

tired of it all.. been a moody week... y moody.. so many factors... things at my office.... other emotional baggage weighing me down.. physical sickness i guess.. and the weather.... wow... bad combi.. bad....

suppose to hand over all my burdens to the Lord.. but its hard to let some of them go... seem to like some of the chains that bind me.. then you feel sad that you are bound.. so... is ironic the word?

Are teachers supposed to write about their students? Are coaches supposed to write about their students too? or is that hurting or favoritism? hmm... that would be hurting would it not? How about i just say that it was a challenging day to say the least... and its one on one some more.. haiz.... ok shan't say more.... baaaadd..... want to rant at some other things.. but don't have the time nor the energy...

Work colleagues are ok.. some of them.. others.. dunno y they get on my nerves a bit.. then again.. bad me.. nv learn to get along....

Had dinner with an old friend... well not that old.. hmmm was a good one.. frank share of views... haha not that many ppl i wld share frankly with i guess... eh... my life... another chapter....

I'M GOING MANADO IN DECEMEBER!!! WOO HOOO!!!

haha overachieve tgts for the yr..